All of us at some point have found the chase of perfection to be futile. While the idea of being perfect is very appealing, practically it triggers many unwanted problems. Being a perfectionist, at times takes heavy emotional toll that leads to deeper self worth issues. In my Deep Talk with Holistic Counselor Janat Bva, we explored the concept of perfection in depth. Here are our findings:
What is perfection?
The dictionary meaning of perfection is the quality or state of being perfect: such as freedom from fault or defect : flawlessness or an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence.
Perfection however does mean different for different people.
We did a quick survey and asked “What does perfection mean to you?” Here are
some of the answers:
- A state of helplessness and pity.
- A shield to ensure a job/person cannot be rejected. In other words, perfection shields one from rejection.
- Perfection is over-rated.
- Perfection is when there is wee-bit of imperfection.
- Perfection is a pursuit.
- Perfection is being super satisfied with one’s creation and getting recognition for the same.
- Perfection pushes you beyond your limits.
Perfection can be a Boon or a Curse:
As long as one can maintain the delicate balance between the boon and the curse, one can be in a happy place. The trouble is more often than not, one is unable to balance this thin edge and slips into the endless pursuit of perfection, even when not necessary. As a result one is found running on what we call, the Hamster Wheel of Perfection.
5 signs that tell you are on the Hamster Wheel of Perfection:
1. You don’t feel satisfied with what you have and are constantly comparing yourself to someone “perfect” in your eyes.
2. You feel exhausted when you pay attention to details, post-pone project completion, and are easily overwhelmed by simple tasks.
3. You find yourself constantly seeking approval of others for a job you know you have done well.
4. Even the smallest mistake triggers misery in you (mistake made by you) and harsh judgement for the other (mistake made by the other). It’s very difficult for you to forgive anyone’s mistake.
5. At the end of a productive day, satisfaction & happiness eludes you if you don’t get the “exact” “expected” result.
The Hamster wheel of Perfection has its roots in:
- Lack of acceptance of things the way they are
- Constant comparison with someone else
- Self-worth issues
This Hamster Wheel of Perfection leads to exhaustion and does not allow you to enjoy life freely. It manages to suck the happiness out and leaves you miserable. So how to break free this Hamster wheel of perfection?
3 Ways to Break Free from the Hamster Wheel of Perfection:
1. Allow for mistakes :
Unhealthy perfectionists cannot stand mistakes. They view mistakes as crimes. To break free from the hamster wheel of perfection, the first step is to allow for mistakes. You can allow for mistakes by recognizing mistakes as an opportunity for you to learn something new and let go of something old. This creates space for an open mind and subsequent growth. Allowing for mistakes helps you in accepting things the way they are without the constant hammer of “do more and do better”.
Spend more time in nature. You can observe the beauty in “imperfect” trees and flowers, in “imperfect” streams and lakes, in “imperfect” fruits and vegetables. Remind yourself that you too are part of the grand landscape and the beauty is in being real.
“To err is human, to forgive divine”
2. Practice the Swedish concept of Lagom:
Lagom means not too much, not too little, just right. The danger of perfection is in overdoing it. Lagom for a lack of better word is a perfect practice to bring in moderation in our daily life. This concept creates an internal mindset of contentment. When one practices lagom, one creates more head space to consciously relax. This practice does not imply that you become complacent and at the same time ensures you don’t go overboard. Think of something that you overdo – something that you know for sure that you overdo: it could be overeating, overworking, over criticizing, over advising etc. – start practicing lagom in these areas of life.
3. Practicing “ I am enough”:
One goes in perfection over-drive when they feel “ I am not enough”. Start practicing “ I am enough”. In those moments of dis-satisfaction with yourself, close your eyes and ask yourself “What is that I am truly upset about?”. Understand the core reasons, a solution for that could be easier than you think!
Maybe you are not jealous of the person vacationing in New Zealand and posting “perfect” pictures but merely want a break – a coffee shop could be just right for you at the moment. So instead of your brain calculating a New Zealand vacation cost, it start’s working on how can I best catch a break today/this week!
Allow yourself to be flawsome - the next time you find yourself correcting
a picture before posting it, commit to posting it as it is. You will be amazed
at how this one small act can boost your self-confidence.
I hope these practices help you bring balance in your levels
of perfection.
Before I go, I leave you with a small story:
Do let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.